I can’t sleep. AllI can think about is my writing. Im dreaming with God again I’m believing that I am a writer, that someday I will have a Golden pen that I will write with. Right now my biggest subject has been security. I’m finally becoming secure in who I am in Christ. Today I was talking to a girl before my class and we were talking about self esteem. How we see our faults as bigger than they really are. My biggest insecurity is the fact that my left arm is paralyzed. See I notice it so much because I live with the reality daily that I can’t use my left hand in everyday tasks but this girl, Jana, said she didn’t even notice it. See we are our own worst critics. We think of ourselves as far less than others see us. Now I notice the fact that I have big thighs, but no one has ever told me I had fat thighs, mainly because they are muscular and really aren’t that big but to me they are huge.To illustrate this I want to show two photos.

dangling arm

dangling arm



You see the first image my paralyzed arm is just dangling there but if you didn’t know I was paralyzed you wouldn’t have even noticed but because I know it the first thing I said when I saw the picture was “omg I don’t like that my arms just hanging there.” See most people don’t realize anything is wring with me until I tell them. This is how it is with everything. We don’t see people as they see themselves. Thank God.I think it’s time time now we see ourselves as God sees us, Loved, accepted, wanted, adored, Beautiful. God has told me multiple times audibly that I am Beautiful but I just recently started to believe it. It’s quite funny that I used to say I would never cut my hair short and now the shorter I go the prettier and sassier I feel.


One thought on “sleepless

  1. You are so very correct and right on point. We are our own worse critic. I find that I have a kinder perspective when I back away from the mirror and look quicker. That is how people view us. You know what I say, “If someone is close enough to see you missed a hair when you were plucking/tweezing you better close your eyes cause your about to be kissed. ;We come from a line of great genetics as far as being physically attractive. We, as a society, put so much emphasis on physical beauty that whole people and their hearts are often missed. When I look at you I do not see your arm but a woman who persevered through hell and is now on fire for God almighty Himself. The awesome thing is that when He looks at us He sees the blood of Jesus. Now THAT is good news!!!


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